Okay so this is part two of this story and it's still lacking an ending but again I'd rather get it out there than leave on the computer. In this part we move on from the question of suicide to how people react to depression and in this case we meet her partner who has been worried since she disappeared.
Part 2
She looked at her feet.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” He shuffled his feet and turned away from the lake.
“No I’m sorry.” She turned to him. “I was just...”
He stopped mid step and turned back.
She looked back to the lake. “I was just thinking about going for a swim.” She smiled. “It looks so peaceful...”
“And cold. Brrr. You’d freeze in there this time of year.”
That was the point she thought. “Maybe.”
“No maybe. It’s sodding cold most of the year, but right now it’s... brrr.” He shivered.
She watched his face. Not a clue, good just as well. “Yeah well I decided not too.”
“Good, ‘cause I’m not real good at rescuing people.” He frowned, as if he wasn’t sure if she had decided.
“So what are you doing up here? It’s a long way from anywhere.”
He sighed. “Needed a walk, bit of peace and quiet; this seemed like the perfect place.” He shrugged.
“Yeah and then here I was to spoil it of you.” She turned away from the water and motioned forward with her arm.
He started to walk with her.
“Spoil it? No, bit of a surprise though. Not many people come up this time of day. A few dog walkers, maybe a guy with a camera, but that’s all.”
“Well I can see why.”
She stared as a running man came into sight. “An occasional runner too, huh!”
The man smiled. “Not so much. This place has quite a reputation, not welcoming for people.”
She followed the runner with her eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, a few years ago the police were all over this place looking for burial sites.” He looked down. “Some local man killed a few people and buried then out here. Never really got why he killed them but having found severn graves, people have kept away.”
“Whoa...!”
“The sad part is that they think there may be some others out here somewhere but the guy isn’t talking. Only admitted to two of the seven as it happens, the police just found the others while they were looking for them.” He sighed.
She looked at him now, his face taught and strained. “Someone you knew?”
“Humm?” His eyebrow rose.
She waited.
“Not really.”
The runner had speeded up and was heading straight for them.
Not long now she thought. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah me too.”
“Cora, blimey,” the runner panted, “I wondered where you’d got to?”
She pulled a tight smile. “Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, I just needed to get away.”
“Hi”
“Hello.” The man watched as the runner caught his breath. “Life goes on.”
She sighed. How many times had she not wanted it to? One moment it seemed like the end and then something happened and her attention was drawn somewhere else and then life was continuing and she hadn’t even realised that it had moved on.”Yes it does, it’s just a shame it isn’t a bit easier on us.”
He smiled.
The runner watched her closely. “Damn shame.” He paused and looked at her companion. He looked back at her. “Feeling any better?”
“Little bit.”
“I should get on. It was nice to meet you.” He stepped away.
“Yes you too.” She watched him take a few steps then turned to the runner. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to disappear. I just needed some peace.”
He squeezed her arm. “It’s okay, but next time, please tell me you’re going. I was looking everywhere. And why here? Of all the places you could go why here?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t think there’d be anyone here.”
He blinked. “No, not really populated out here is it? but then what would have happened if you’d gotten into trouble?”
She sighed and started to walk. “Well I didn’t, did I?”
“Not really the point.”
“Oh give it a rest Nev, I’m alright, no harm no foul.
The man stopped walking. “You really don’t get it do you? God we love you, we’d miss you and when you disappear it’s like it’s already happened. Like you’ve already gone and we’ll never get you back. I daren’t leave you alone because it might be the last time I ever see you and I can’t stand that. I can’t stand to think of it being the last time.”
She stopped walking. “And yet strangely you never seem to be with me when you are here. You’re with someone, but it’s not me, I don’t recognise her. You treat her like a child that needs to be looked after, like this week end was what I wanted. All the people, all the old memories...everything was what I wanted. Well it wasn’t, it wasn’t what I wanted at all.”
“I don’t treat you like a child.”
“Yes you do. Look at you coming out here, making this trip and you made such a big deal about doing this for me, organising it with them and yet you never asked me if it was what I wanted.”
“There you’re family.”
“Right so of course I want them running my life. Listening to endless reasons why I should be happy, why it was for the best, doing everything for me and then complaining that I never get off my backside. Yes of course that’s exactly what I want. God why can’t you see that all I need is sometime to feel shit for a bit. To work things out for myself and God help me spend some time alone with you so we can talk.”
Nev stopped walking. “We do nothing but.”
“Oh yes of course you do. But what about me, since when I have I had anything to say that you’ve cared to listen to. You’re all about telling me what to do, how to feel better but not once have actually sat and talked about how I feel, about how you feel? You’ve just run around like nothing has changed, like you’re still happy and everything is right with your world. Jesus you gave my feelings all of three seconds for me to feel better and then started telling me how to be happy. What to do to achieve it. God just give it a break, it’s takes time.”
Part 2
She looked at her feet.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” He shuffled his feet and turned away from the lake.
“No I’m sorry.” She turned to him. “I was just...”
He stopped mid step and turned back.
She looked back to the lake. “I was just thinking about going for a swim.” She smiled. “It looks so peaceful...”
“And cold. Brrr. You’d freeze in there this time of year.”
That was the point she thought. “Maybe.”
“No maybe. It’s sodding cold most of the year, but right now it’s... brrr.” He shivered.
She watched his face. Not a clue, good just as well. “Yeah well I decided not too.”
“Good, ‘cause I’m not real good at rescuing people.” He frowned, as if he wasn’t sure if she had decided.
“So what are you doing up here? It’s a long way from anywhere.”
He sighed. “Needed a walk, bit of peace and quiet; this seemed like the perfect place.” He shrugged.
“Yeah and then here I was to spoil it of you.” She turned away from the water and motioned forward with her arm.
He started to walk with her.
“Spoil it? No, bit of a surprise though. Not many people come up this time of day. A few dog walkers, maybe a guy with a camera, but that’s all.”
“Well I can see why.”
She stared as a running man came into sight. “An occasional runner too, huh!”
The man smiled. “Not so much. This place has quite a reputation, not welcoming for people.”
She followed the runner with her eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, a few years ago the police were all over this place looking for burial sites.” He looked down. “Some local man killed a few people and buried then out here. Never really got why he killed them but having found severn graves, people have kept away.”
“Whoa...!”
“The sad part is that they think there may be some others out here somewhere but the guy isn’t talking. Only admitted to two of the seven as it happens, the police just found the others while they were looking for them.” He sighed.
She looked at him now, his face taught and strained. “Someone you knew?”
“Humm?” His eyebrow rose.
She waited.
“Not really.”
The runner had speeded up and was heading straight for them.
Not long now she thought. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah me too.”
“Cora, blimey,” the runner panted, “I wondered where you’d got to?”
She pulled a tight smile. “Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, I just needed to get away.”
“Hi”
“Hello.” The man watched as the runner caught his breath. “Life goes on.”
She sighed. How many times had she not wanted it to? One moment it seemed like the end and then something happened and her attention was drawn somewhere else and then life was continuing and she hadn’t even realised that it had moved on.”Yes it does, it’s just a shame it isn’t a bit easier on us.”
He smiled.
The runner watched her closely. “Damn shame.” He paused and looked at her companion. He looked back at her. “Feeling any better?”
“Little bit.”
“I should get on. It was nice to meet you.” He stepped away.
“Yes you too.” She watched him take a few steps then turned to the runner. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to disappear. I just needed some peace.”
He squeezed her arm. “It’s okay, but next time, please tell me you’re going. I was looking everywhere. And why here? Of all the places you could go why here?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t think there’d be anyone here.”
He blinked. “No, not really populated out here is it? but then what would have happened if you’d gotten into trouble?”
She sighed and started to walk. “Well I didn’t, did I?”
“Not really the point.”
“Oh give it a rest Nev, I’m alright, no harm no foul.
The man stopped walking. “You really don’t get it do you? God we love you, we’d miss you and when you disappear it’s like it’s already happened. Like you’ve already gone and we’ll never get you back. I daren’t leave you alone because it might be the last time I ever see you and I can’t stand that. I can’t stand to think of it being the last time.”
She stopped walking. “And yet strangely you never seem to be with me when you are here. You’re with someone, but it’s not me, I don’t recognise her. You treat her like a child that needs to be looked after, like this week end was what I wanted. All the people, all the old memories...everything was what I wanted. Well it wasn’t, it wasn’t what I wanted at all.”
“I don’t treat you like a child.”
“Yes you do. Look at you coming out here, making this trip and you made such a big deal about doing this for me, organising it with them and yet you never asked me if it was what I wanted.”
“There you’re family.”
“Right so of course I want them running my life. Listening to endless reasons why I should be happy, why it was for the best, doing everything for me and then complaining that I never get off my backside. Yes of course that’s exactly what I want. God why can’t you see that all I need is sometime to feel shit for a bit. To work things out for myself and God help me spend some time alone with you so we can talk.”
Nev stopped walking. “We do nothing but.”
“Oh yes of course you do. But what about me, since when I have I had anything to say that you’ve cared to listen to. You’re all about telling me what to do, how to feel better but not once have actually sat and talked about how I feel, about how you feel? You’ve just run around like nothing has changed, like you’re still happy and everything is right with your world. Jesus you gave my feelings all of three seconds for me to feel better and then started telling me how to be happy. What to do to achieve it. God just give it a break, it’s takes time.”
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