The answers lie within

As with many people I watched my mad fat Diary and unusually I watched them all. I say unusually as most of the time I find depictions of any kind of mental health problem to be either a bit insipid or so way off the mark I want to put my fist through the screen. But as I watched the first episode I became uncomfortable and intrigued because in a way there was that bittersweet moment that you see/saw yourself so very long ago and wonder whether this might give you some answers to the questions and unresolved emotions that you have without really wanting it too. And yes I did see myself as Rae, I heard the things my parents said in her mother too. There were things I didn’t like but the most memorable scene of the series for me was when Tixy and Jester are in the toilets and he says after some lead in ‘in my job I just slowly torture people’ or something like that and it reminded me of how I saw therapy. So this poem is about therapy but also about those answers we all seek but are unlikely to ever have, and how the come and go and sometimes we see how the fit but often don’t. So

The Answers lie within

The tortured mind of the child within
does shout and scream and bawl in pain
it writhes in agony trying not to feel what it does.
It runs like the wind from person to person
skittering about so flighty, the storm clouds
from which the lightening comes,
the memories of times gone by in perfect Technicolor
they slice through as scalpel to skin
and shoot and burn along the nerves
to freeze the heart and leave the body aching.
So intangible and unreal
yet destructive to the soul, they rip this world apart
then jump out of reach as if it never was,
to leave this mind in pieces grasping for it’s life
stability and solace, without a reason.
The memories they slot in place
chaotic random acts that tortured this soul
still move around inside, still cause the pain they did
but now so much has changed that some are not so bad
nor so much your fault that things move on at last.