Underneath

 I have to say I have had plenty of days when I have wished people a million miles away from. I have yearned for some peace, some space from my emotional responses to their out bursts or tears. Certainly it has felt that I am pulled from pillar to post by how others are feelings and have been unable to find a space where I am within the world. A space where I am calm. So this is just a little  poem about how washed away it can feel when everything and everyone around you seems to be pulling you in every direction

I close my eyes and there is a storm,
my fluttering heart and ragged breathing trying to contain it.
Icy blasts of anger, the hot raging humiliation or desire,
the disappointed tears and burning acid fear. I feel it all.

Both floating and falling my eyes snap open,
the worlds the same, no outward change.
The people walk and talk as the world continues.
I feel a part of it all, I can feel it pulsing through me.

The air is pressing down, waves of heat as people pass by,
icy blasts of anger, or spiky indignation, the slap of pain.
I feel it all pressing against me,
yanked and jostled by what the world feels.

The shrieks of joy and frustration they move through me.
They feed the swirling mass within, the storm ever faster
It’s dizzying. Oh for it to stop to calm,
I could catch my breath and get some rest.

I don’t need to know the words they speak or their histories
I see from gestures and from tone the feelings that they have
I can feel the responses from within.
I wish I didn’t feel it so.

I listen for the leaves, the rubbish moving anything that’s calm.
I listen for the chirps of birds and rustles of the unknown
anything that strokes and soothes,
that calms and lifts me away from them.