There are days when it feels like I am reliving my past and though sometimes this can be good it can also be bad. Like many others I was bullied at school and the long lasting effects are far greater than I feel most people realise. Depending on the circumstance the emotional battle that goes on can be huge so here's just a little taste.
My eyes they lie to me with things that cannot be,
a catalogue of fractured images
that rage within for me to see and no one else.
The litany of mistakes, of losses and humiliations
I’m in a past that frightens me, in thoughts of my inadequacy
So many voices speak at once, yet still I hear the sneering kids.
An icy blast speeds up my heart and dulls my head.
Frozen from within I know not what response to give.
Lost in a ring of shouted insults I feel my anger prickle
but drowning in my fears I cannot breath.
Tearing apart my life the past it bleeds into the present
it shapes my thoughts and guides me in my misery.
So easy to believe it’s now and not so long ago
it erases all the good that has come since
and I am lost in a past that will not let me go.
My eyes they lie to me with things that cannot be,
a catalogue of fractured images
that rage within for me to see and no one else.
The litany of mistakes, of losses and humiliations
I’m in a past that frightens me, in thoughts of my inadequacy
So many voices speak at once, yet still I hear the sneering kids.
An icy blast speeds up my heart and dulls my head.
Frozen from within I know not what response to give.
Lost in a ring of shouted insults I feel my anger prickle
but drowning in my fears I cannot breath.
Tearing apart my life the past it bleeds into the present
it shapes my thoughts and guides me in my misery.
So easy to believe it’s now and not so long ago
it erases all the good that has come since
and I am lost in a past that will not let me go.
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