In gratitude

I have to say that when I hear a good line I tend to remember it so even though this is mine it is in part because of some rather fine lyrics by VNV Nation (Gratitude). I have also kept the style and length too becuase it suited my purpose although I don't think the people who wrote the lyrics would be at all impressed with it but still.


It is not love that sparks as you run after another
Nor belief that stays the tears of fear.
I just could not bring myself to be gone:
numbed to the core by insults so subtle,
every day an echo of the last, an erosion of my soul.
Without reason, my place is to endure
a fracturing of self that slowly crumbles.
‘Til nothings left of what was my former self.

My god, however did I survive,
the regret of what was lost, of what I never have been.
Thank you for never letting me become like you,
for never wanting me, and for leaving me behind. 

You inspired in me a disgust of ever being like you,
A conviction and a purpose to find a better way to be,
the strength and courage to endure beyond all reason what was a living hell.

Sometimes I wish that you could see me now
to know me as I am, a better person for your trials.
Sometimes I wish that you might understand the hell you put me through
the damage that you did. To close the wounds,
and end the chapter in forgiveness,
but nothing would change, we make the best of what we have.
We are measured by the actions of our lives,
and not the trials we overcome.
We are seen for what we have done.

My God, however do I live with what has been
without regret or guilt for the part I played in it.
Thank you to those who questioned, for the doubts you did express
you saved my life and comforted my broken soul
it inspired in me a desire to live
to all who helped along the way, who gave so much
I write this in gratitude the least that you deserve
for the battles you helped me fight,
the hope that you instilled and for the things you never knew you did

that meant so much to my tortured self.